I think I might have an issue. You of all people know this issue. It’s the incapable of saying no issue. It is well known and people die from it. Or you know they die from the sequlae – had to look that word up and it does not sound like something people actually use in conversations – from stress, which in effect is inability to say no.

I suffered from it in the two years I worked as a temp and at the petrol station more or less full time. I would say yes to anything work they would give me. And then some. Mostly because of the money, but also just so I had something to do instead of stirring of my bedroom wall. And now I’m having a backlash. I still say yes to work, but I’ve become better to take time of in between. Or at least I think so.

But it is also manifesting in my new – or relatively new – job as a personal assistant. I will say, sure I don’t mind doing that. Or this. And no it is not a problem of course I’ll drop you of for an hour and come back and get you even though we’ve been out all day and I’ve been “on” during all that time, because I had to sit with you and your friends. And I know that I can say no. My agency always end the client sheets with:

If at any time you feel you need a break, don’t hesitate to talk to the Client about it”

Yet, I always feel like a douche for saying no. Which I really shouldn’t, but I guess the nice person in me compel me to say yes.

Sometimes I wish my inner nice person would just shut the fuck up and let me be the misanthrope which I aspire to be.